While I believe that nothing is wrong with being and expressing yourself in whatever way you desire — whether masculine, feminine, or androgynous — it’s undeniable that masculine-acting queer men reap unparalleled benefits of the patriarchal dividend, and receive unwarranted advantages for being male and masculine in a society that devalues and antagonizes femininity.
This leaves room for misogynistic gay men to flaunt their male privilege while screaming for their exclusionary gay rights.
But as the conversation continued, their thoughts about Ethan slowly came out.
“I’m glad you’re not one of those type of gays,” this person said.
After he left, this person and I started casually talking in the kitchen.
At first, we just talked about our days and our plans for the week.
It’s that, as a phenomenon, this phrase doesn’t just symbolize a dating preference, but also the dominant, sexist notion that femininity is less valuable than masculinity, and it reinstates the oppressive structures that diminish feminine and queer people.
One day, I decided to get my phone out and download an app; I prepared my thumbs for all sorts of left- and right-swiping.
But my highly romanticized journey with dating apps took a confusing turn when I repeatedly encountered a phrase I soon realized was treacherous: “Masc 4 Masc.” “Masc 4 Masc” is a phrase with which many gay men on dating apps are familiar.
As we had one kiki after another, I felt increasingly comfortable with my sexuality.
But I also learned that being true to yourself can come with challenges.